Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Ooh, Yeah. Life is Good.

We have been working with our birth mom to try and figure out what to do, as you can well imagine. We have now determined that for all intents and purposes, the guardian ad litem is on our side in the dispute with the tribe. So is the county social worker. So is the judge. So is the birth mom's lawyer. So is everybody else that is involved in any way, except for the tribe.

Further, in the first meeting, I discovered today that the representative of the tribe introduced herself to the court as the "tribal prosecutor". This week she was "the ICWA worker". Our birth mom calls her "the witch with a B". Heh. She's a feisty one. She described with glee how the judge kept cutting her off, telling her that her points were irrelevant, and so forth. I had to smile.

Anyway, with the tacit approval of all but the tribe, who don't need to know, we are going to proceed to parent this child on at least a part-time basis until we can find a lawyer that will take the case pro bono or at least for an amount that we can talk ourselves into paying. $30000 isn't an amount we can justify, so we may be looking for a little while. Justice can be had in America, but it ain't cheap, especially when you're going up against a protected minority. Even if you are one yourself, as our birth mom is.

So tonight we drove to pick up our new little poop dispenser. Her skin has gotten a bit darker since we last saw her, and she may have gained just a bit of weight, but she's still very small (5 pounds minus about 1/2 ounce at birth...may have gained a half-pound or something so far). We just got home.

It is not my habit to use real names for anybody but myself on this blog. In most cases that is to protect the privacy of any and all involved. I'm going to make an exception. We named this beautiful child Amanda. I chose it. As I have disclosed in the past, my love for the 80s borders on the maniacal. While it is not technically an 80s song (having been released in the late 70s as I recall), "Amanda" by Boston is the culprit that Amanda can blame if she ends up not liking her name. After all, the birth mom's sister-in-law complained that she had named this child using "a white girl's name".

Sigh. Everybody's a critic. Why do people concern themselves with what other people name their children? You would think people could content themselves with learning a person's name, using it when they address them, and then shutting the hell up about it already, unless it's a good friend and you need to tease them.

Anyway, she can be Amanda, Mandy, AJ (middle initial is J), Amy or whatever...we'll decide that as we see what type of person she turns into. But she'll always remind me of the Boston song:

Babe, tomorrows so far away
Theres something I just have to say
I dont think I can hide what Im feelin inside
Another day, knowin I love you
And i, Im getting too close again
I dont want to see it end
If I tell you tonight will you turn out the light
And walk away knowin I love you?

Im gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
Im gonna tell you right away, I cant wait another day,
Im gonna say it like a man and make you understand
I love you

And I feel like todays the day
Im lookin for the words to say
Do you wanna be free, are you ready for me
To feel this way
I dont wanna lose you
So, it may be too soon, I know
The feeling takes so long to grow
If I tell you today will you turn me away
And let me go?
I dont wanna lose you

Im gonna take you by surprise and make you realize,
Im gonna te ll you right away, I cant wait another day,
Im gonna say it lik e a man and make you understand

You and i
I know that we cant wait
And I swear, I swear its not a lie girl
Tomorrow may be too late
You, you and I girl
We can share a life together
Its now or never
And tomorow may be too late

And, feelin the way I do
I dont wanna wait my whole life through
To say Im in love with you
Yeah. As I drove home, that song ran through my mind over and over as The Wife and I chatted about her, and about what might happen next, and how long we'll have to keep up the pretense, and so forth. In 20 years of friendship and 4.5 years of marriage, we've gotten to know each other very well, and drives together are very companionable whether we're chatting or just sitting with our own thoughts. The lights of our hometown eventually came up and then passed to the rearview mirror.

As we approached our road, The Wife spoke up: "turn up the radio." I did.

I drove in the driveway, into the garage, switched off the engine, and sat with The Wife and stared at our baby as we listened to Boston perform "Amanda" on the radio.

I'm going now to kiss my daughter goodnight.


At 5:11 AM , Blogger Lyn said...

I'm just a lurker but love that you're willing to fight for your child! Congrats and Good Luck!

At 5:21 AM , Blogger Laurie said...

So so happy for you both and your beautiful baby. She is a lucky girl to have you fighting for her.


At 6:37 PM , Blogger Mary said...

I'm so happy for you and the Wife! Tears are flowing down my cheeks; I haven't been reading much lately and just want to say CONGRATULATIONS, DAD!!

As to the ICWA thing, I have to call you.

At 10:42 AM , Blogger Amanda said...

Congratulations!!!! And, nice name :-)

At 6:10 PM , Anonymous Nicki said...

I love the name Amanda! Its oldfashioned but timeless, and you're right, it has so many possible nicknames, so you'll be able to discover whether she's a Mandy or a Manda or an AJ or a strict Amanda! Great choice!


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