Wednesday, February 15, 2006

At Loose Ends

I had an intensely busy day at work. I was in the office a little late, and then came home to a house short one occupant, since "Josie" has done well enough here that now her PO has granted her an overnight home visit, once tonight and once this coming weekend.

I don't know how I feel about this. She clearly loves her mom, and her mom loves her, in her own way. But mom's sick and daughter will never, no matter how hard she tries, be able to fix her...until she wants to fix herself bad enough. I'm an old boozehound. I know.

I can see a lot of pain headed our way as we watch "Josie" battle her mom's drinking...I've lived her mom's end of it myself. People who've never been addicted to something don't seem to be able to understand how powerful a thing like booze can be. It can reduce everything else in life to window-dressing for the main event: getting a stretch of time with no responsibilities in front of you and a bottle in your hand.

Actually, that's for functional alcoholics, like I was. Many alcoholics don't really care about not having responsibilities, just the bottle in hand. I was headed that way before some nice young men in official uniforms stepped into my life on a summer night in 1999 and applied a little corrective pressure to the course of my future.

Anyway, I've seen "Josie's" side of it. Didn't my family go through much the same thing with me? I've lived her mom's side of it. Her mom could get better, as I did...but comparatively few seem able to make the adjustment. I have very direct experience in this, and yet I'm at a loss for things I can say or do to help, beyond just making sure "Josie" knows she has a place to go and people to turn to.

Then again, that's more than a lot of people have, I guess. I hope it's enough for her.

For tonight, I don't seem to have any pressing business. I got "Cell" by Stephen King from The Wife for Valentine's Day and I'm reading it, but I don't feel like reading right now. I guess I'll pick up the guitar and continue my quest to become the next Eddie Van Halen. I figure I only have about 13,978 more practice sessions and I'll be there.


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