Other People's Kids

You Might Be a Foster Parent

1) If you/your wife never gave birth, but you have three huge boxes of toys...you might be a foster parent.

2) If you are unable to hold a grudge for longer than it takes a child to smile and say they're sorry...you might be a foster parent.

3) If you hear about a child being abused and it makes you want to jam a two-by-four up the abuser's nose on the one hand but thank them on the other hand for providing you an opportunity to love their child...you might be a foster parent.

4) If you know most of the local cops by their first name and you've never done time...you might be a foster parent.

5) If you sit up late to watch specials about things like meth labs and pediatric psychology on PBS or the Learning Channel...you might be a foster parent.

6) If your friends and family collect coins or baseball cards or wine and you only want to collect kids...you might be a foster parent.

7) If your income would allow you to drive a big, new truck or a Corvette if you wanted and you voluntarily make due with a 10 year old beater so you can keep the house fixed up to code and add another bedroom with an egress window in the basement to increase your capacity...you might be a foster parent.

8) If your phone rings in the middle of the night and it doesn't terrify you that it's bad news because it's probably just the cops or social workers looking for an emergency placement...you might be a foster parent.

9) If you have no idea how many people will be sleeping in your house tonight and don't much care...you might be a foster parent.

10) If you/your wife have never given birth and you have at least one pediatric medical diagnosis page bookmarked in your web browser...you might be a foster parent.

11) If you can't help telling someone you love them even if you've only known them for two weeks...you might be a foster parent.

12) If your heart outweighs your brain...you might be a foster parent.

13) If you can tell when someone's been using pot, booze, coke, meth, acid or rush with one glance in someone's eyes...you might be a foster parent.

14) If you've ever found a bong in your house that you never saw before and you're comfortable that if a cop knew about it he wouldn't blame you for it...you might be a foster parent.

15) If you know where all the bathrooms are in the courthouse...you might be a foster parent.

16) If you know what social workers really do with their day...you might be a foster parent.

17) If you had family pictures from each of the last five years and no two of them have the same people in them...you might be a foster parent.

18) If the Schwann's man looks at you as a primary means to send his kids to college...you might be a foster parent.

19) If you trust the children in your house approximately as far as a mouse can shot-put a cat...you might be a foster parent.

20) If you buy new Christmas stockings every year...you might be a foster parent.

I'd throw more of these out there, I'm short on time and I think you get the point. Please feel free to enliven my life with more of them in comments if any strike you. Together we will build wisdom.

Or at least have fun.

posted by Dan @ 6:06 PM