Monday, May 15, 2006

The Gastrointestinal Incident

So The Wife brings "Josie" and her friend home from a night at the movies. The Wife is tired and the girls seem in good spirits. The friend will be staying the night. After putting groceries away and exchanging pleasantries, I retire to the living room to watch the rest of my DVD (see earlier post).

Suddenly, "Josie" and her friend come prancing into the room: "I have a show for you." She proceeds to belch loudly while breathing in AND out. How attractive. The twelve-year-old inside me is screaming to be let out at this point, but the only ouward sign was probably an upward twitch at the corner of my mouth. I ask her what her problem is and tell her she frightens me and please leave. They both shriek with laughter, which gets Mitch going and he chases them out of the room, nipping at their heels.

A few minutes later there are serious biological sounds coming down the hall from "Josie's" room and the bathroom. Mitch comes tearing out of the hall, looking a little spooked. I get worried and investigate. As I understand the story, apparently, "Josie" grossed her friend out pretty severely with the belching. She then purposely switched to puking sounds, which made her friend actually puke into the waste basket.

Her friend's actual puking then caused "Josie" to run across the hall into the bathroom, just making the toilet bowl before she actually puked. I walked in to see "Josie" complaining of the awful taste and laughing while blowing her nose into a wad of toilet paper the size of a sponge. There is now much sniffling and tissue usage on either side of the hall in an attempt to clear noses, mouths and sinuses in the aftermath. Guess The Wife really got her money's worth when she took them to McDonald's after the movie, eh?

I'm coming to appreciate the weird looks my best friend and I used to get from our parents when we would often go temporarily insane for no discernable reason and do weird stuff. Not this weird, but we did have our moments.

And I swear to you on my mother's grave I'm not making one bit of this stuff up. I'm just not that imaginitive.

I'm now requesting suggestions on which of the following is true:

1) This is normal teenage behavior and there is nothing to worry about.
2) I should make both of them take a UA in the morning.
3) I should give myself a UA in the morning because I might be hallucinating.
4) Puking on command is a valuable skill in the entertainment field and "Josie" and her friend have a new career option.
5) This will be the next world championship sport we see on ESPN3.
6) I should just let Mitch eat both of them.

I love my life.


At 6:19 AM , Blogger Beth said...

I knew there was a reason I didn't take girls.

I told someone the other day that teenage girls were the most difficult to place. She asked me why. I told her that when boys were bad they tended not to come they were bad somewhere else. Girls though...well girls are insane INSIDE the house.

At 9:47 AM , Blogger Garrent said...

Adolecence is a horrible thing to do to someone and besides, I can think of worse things they could have been doing...

At 10:32 AM , Blogger FosterAbba said...

Ah...sympathetic pukking...

Believe it or not, that's actually quite a common phenomena. I've seen it happen often on sportfishing trips, whale watching cruises and even small sailboats. When just one person loses it (or just makes a few retching noises) the entire lee rail will suddenly populate with heads as everyone enjoys a communal puke.

Not to worry, teenagers love to explore the limits of grossness, and I expect that "Josie" is quite proud of the fact that she and her friend were able to gross themselves out so badly.

Congratulations, Dad, welcome to Teenagerland.


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